Today I am posting my contribution to the Overcoming Adversity bloghop that Nick Wilford is hosting in order to help his stepson, Andrew, attend a specialist college. Andrew has an amazing story of his own, which has inspired this bloghop, and I'm excited I can be a part of it.
In the latter part of my life, I've had many family members and friends struggle with drug addiction problems. Sadly, some have lost their lives because of an overdose or other drug related accident. But others still continue the fight to stay clean. This story was inspired by them. For all of them!
Thirteen Months, One Week & Four Days
I throw
open the door to my small apartment, let it slam shut, and I sink onto the
floor. My hands shake and my heart races as I pull my knees up and rest my
forehead against them.
Just breathe.
It’s
been thirteen months, one week and four days since I’ve been sober, but people still
look at me like I just stepped out of rehab. Thirteen months, one week and four
days I’ve been working on earning their trust and living a normal life and
today I think it might tear me apart. Half the time the problem is mental, but
the other half… my body still aches, craves and needs a fix. Today it’s both.
I
try to force my hands to be steady but that only makes them worse.
“Aarrrgh!” I scream, hoping to release some of the
tension. It doesn’t work.
I
look to the ceiling and run my fingers through my hair. Please God. Please help me.
You
don’t spend eleven years enjoying instant gratification and have it go away. It
will never go away. I know it. I’ve had it told to me time and time again. I’m
living evidence of it and I’m not stupid enough to deny it.
But
days like these – the really crappy ones, where I go to work and end up having
to deal with every jackass that walks through the door – these are the days I
wonder how long I’ll make it. How long I’ll survive the “real world,” as
everyone calls it.
Screw
the real world. To me the real world is dealt in secret. You watch your back,
trust no one and forget about everything with a single shot, or hit of the
pipe.
Truth
is – I don’t know how this happened. I wasn’t raised this way, and seeing the
hurt in my parents eyes, sucks. But now I have no way to get rid of it. No way
to make me forget, or at least not care.
Thirteen
months, one week and four days and sometimes they still look unsure. They still
wonder if I’m clean. And I want to be clean, but my body wants to be satiated.
A
tear trickles down my cheek. I wipe it away and get to my feet, angry for being
such a sissy.
“You
cannot control me!” I yell to myself – to the craving. I let the adrenaline
race through me. I follow it through my veins
and let it surge in my body with a new kind of freedom. A high that cannot land
me in jail, that will not make me lose my job or my family.
I am smart. I am clean. I am free.
I am smart. I am
clean. I am free.
The
words echo in my mind and I try to believe them. My hands are no longer shaking
and my breathing slows. Life slows, and I push away the part that yearns for the
fast pace of life past.
I can do this.
When
I open my eyes, everything is still.
The
same.
Except
for me.
For
now, I’m better.
I
throw my keys and wallet on the bar, and allow myself to crash on the fuzzy
orange couch I found at a thrift store. It’s ugly but comfortable.
My
eyes wander to the clock and I realize the day will be over soon. That’ll make
thirteen months, one week and five
days.
A
smile touches my lips and I flip the t.v. to my favorite sitcom.
I can
do this.
For other great stories of inspiration from this bloghop check these out:
33 comments:
I know people fighting this battle. Well written.
This was really well written. I can't imagine the torture of addiction, as I'm one the lucky ones who hasn't struggled with it. I do know people who have though. It's such a tragedy.
Very real torment and a strong awesome determination.
And I'm sure that is a daily battle for so many. Very powerful, Leigh.
You really put us in the struggle with this piece. Great job with the writing here. I am sure this was not easy to write, and that is another way of overcoming adversity. Awesome!
This was so great. I felt like I was right there dealing with it myself, wanting to cheer, "You can do it!" Nice job.
I've had cousins and a Grandfather fight that battle, and I think you captured it really well. Great writing!
Brilliantly written. What a struggle any addiction is, legal or otherwise.
Very well done Leigh. Addiction is heart breaking. So heart breaking.
I know you're not the drinking type, but holy cow! That's one of the most gripping addict senses I've read. I really believed what the character was going through. Well done! :)
Addiction is hard. Very hard. I think you've written this well. Good job.
Awesome! I've had family members battling the same addictions. Now matter how hard they fight, they feel like a ticking bomb. It takes a lot of courage to get that mentality turned around.
Nicely done!
So beautiful Leigh! You've really laid out the struggle. I've never dealt with addiction, but I've seen it cripple people. Good for your character for making it work!
Excellent piece Leigh, very evocative. I was right there in the moment. This must be one of the hardest things to overcome and you did a great job in making this so inspiring. Thank you for taking part!
That is a depiction of the struggle. I know someone who is trying hard to be sober and every day is a journey for her. Great addition!
Fantastic entry! It's gritty and real. I lost my father because he couldn't win against his addiction. I've seen what it does to people. Well done.
I admire the courage it takes to stay clean, stay sober. When my father died, my mother started drinking. It was like losing two parents, at once.
Well Done~
This is such a realistic portrait of an ongoing struggle. I'm sure that this will provide comfort for so many that face this on a daily basis. "I am smart. I am clean. I am free," is such an empowering mantra.
Thank you for your extremely thoughtful comment Leigh!
Julie
So very well written.
I've a few family members, including my brother who struggle with this every day... thanks for giving "voice" to such a powerful subject.
Great story, Leigh! And wow - what a list of participants! Impressive turn-out for an important cause!
That's an awesome story! I have kids with mental illness and one spent 15 months in an adolescent treatment center. Sixty percent of the kids there had been addicted to drugs. They had something they called the Rule of Thirds because it referred to the percentages relating to adolescent drug addiction. One third would die. One third would be in and out of treatment for the rest of their lives. Only one third would break free. So scary. All the more meaningful for the ones who manage to escape.
What a wonderful blog post, so inspiring.
This was so powerful. Awesome job, Leigh!!
This is a real issue, a daily struggle for many...
Powerful and so inspiring.
Thanks for sharing Leigh.
Great entry! I like the idea that the choice to stay strong comes moment by moment.
excellent portrayal! i cant imagine!
Such a tough struggle. Very powerful piece Leigh!
I can't imagine going through that kind of inner conflict--thanks for sharing this story.
Wonderful short story. I also have friends and family who have dealt with addiction, and some have made amazing recoveries. But it's always hard, as you've shown here. We don't give enough credit to recovering addicts.
Wow, Leigh, this was so inspiring! What an awesome message of hope and strength.
wow I totally loved it in all the emotions you can feel just by reading.... I especially love the ending when she smiled that she was able to get through 1 more moment
Very well written and I too have known people fighting addiction problems but winning.
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